she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
