All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
