I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
