A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
