My liver just broke up with me...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
