New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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