bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
