i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
