I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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