What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
