I wish I could teleport
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
