There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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