Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
