in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Randomize
