my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
