Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
