it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Operation Purity has been aborted
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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