Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
