Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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