God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
