dude i'm inner monologue high
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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