She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
