I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
