So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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