i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
