There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
