I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
