My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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