oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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