he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
