he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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