I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
