There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
