Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
