Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
