...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
