im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
