I molested 6 butterflies tonight
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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