Who wears a wallet chain?!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
