Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
