As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
