What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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