goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
