Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
