Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
