the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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