did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
