I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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