:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
