Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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