im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
