When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
